If Only You Knew
by SomeKindOfRomance
Summary: SLASH. After witnessing an act of passion between Stan and Clyde, Cartman sets out to ruin the closet homosexual Stan. STANCLYDE STANKYLE
1. Prologue

"Stan, don't beat yourself up over this... You were drunk, there was nothing you could've done." 

"Wendy, I could've had a little fucking self control. I can't believe I did that. What the fuck is gonna happen now?" Stan's eyes started to water up, it was inevitable that he would cry.

"Stan," Wendy continued, "You have kept this to yourself for so long that it's killing you. You can't go around being the perfect man that everyone thinks you are. You know that no one is perfect. Just because you told me doesn't mean that you're going to feel better. If you keep your emotions bottled up like this, then.." She looked over at Stan, his head was now in his hands, tears dropping onto his pants, turning the jeans a darker color.

"Then what!" Stan cried.

"Stan, it's going to ruin you... It's gonna be your downfall."

* * *

Me, I'm Stanley Marsh. An 18 year old senior at South Park High. I'm a straight A student and South Park's best football player. All the girls follow me, i'm a fucking chick magnet, not that i'm complaining or anything, but I have worked so hard for this. Isn't is so ironic how just one simple action can undo.. everything? 

It was monday morning at South Park High. Monday's always sucked ass. The only thing that made this monday more sucky than normal was the fact that I was hung over and extremely paranoid. As I walked down the hallway I could swear that everyones eyes were on me, burning deep down into my soul, my true self being exposed for all to see. I glanced nervously down the halls, hoping that nobody had found out what happened in the garage at Token William's party. As far as I knew, only Wendy and Clyde knew. I could trust Wendy. I had always told her everything, but Clyde was a completely different story. It wouldn't matter to him if he told anyone. The only thing he would ever gain from this was my humility.

"Stan!" I turned around to face my best friend, Kyle Broflovski. "How was Token's party?"

I looked at Kyle, completely frightened. "W-Why?" I stammered.

"Because I didn't go and I was just wondering? Man what's with you. You look like you've just seen a ghost.. Or Eric Cartman naked." Leave it to Kyle to bring a smile to my face.

"It was ok. I got bombed. Everyone got bombed.. Well except for Butters. He told us he'd get grounded."

"Man what a pussy," Kyle scoffed.

"Ha, I know," I chuckled slightly. "Uh Well, I'll see ya Kyle," I said as the homeroom bell rang.

"Yea dude.. remember you're coming home with me after school."

"Right," I replied.

The walk to homeroom was a long one. So many thoughts plagued my mind. What if the team found out.. the coach, Cartman, my parents, or even worse... my best friend? I cared so much about what Kyle thought of me. I wanted to seem like a god to him. I needed to be everything I could be and i've always been trying to impress him.. Heh, that's what I would to to girls if I liked them I suppose. I did have Wendy. We had been going out since the eighth grade and we still were together, but that was just for show. I begged her last year when I came out to her, that she remain by my side. If anyone called me gay, I would have her. She was heartbroken that I could never return the same feelings that she had for me, but she still agreed to it. So we stayed a "couple." Part of me wanted to open up to everyone, so I didn't have to hide the fact that I was gay anymore. I wanted to be able to tell Kyle how I felt about him.. How i've felt about him since even before I started to go out with Wendy. All those things seemed unattainable though because I was Stanley Marsh, South Park's biggest "stud. All the girls wanted me, all the guys wanted to be me. To bad I had built myself up so high.. I had a long ways to fall.

School passed without incedent, and I was thankful for that. I had made myself worry for nothing. Wendy was right. I wanted to give her a hug right then and there, and i know she would've countered with an "I told you so," but she had left early for a track meet. I walked over to Kyle's car and waited for my best friend. He had told me that he had some papers that he needed to be signed by the principal before he left.. something for some dorky nerd convention, which he was the leader of. I panned the skies looking for familiar shapes in the clouds, for a second I was sure that I had spotted a Tony Danza in the sky, but my attention was immediately ripped away by a deep voice.

"Stan... Stan we need to talk... About what happened.. y' know?"

I turned my gaze to Clyde, a fit brunette with honey eyes, eyes that were once dreamlike to me, but now were terrifying. "Uh hey Clyde. I don't see why we need to talk. Nobody knows.. We were drunk. I mean nothings gonna change between us.. A-alcohol fucks with peoples minds."

"Yea thanks for the warning label, surgeon general-" Clyde was very short with me. He had always been a bit irritable, seemingly now more than ever, "but you're wrong."

"What the fuck are you talking about!" I snapped at him. I was surprised that nobody heard.

"Someone saw... saw us. Now you know that I would never do anything.. say anything.. start rumors, that type of deal." He looked a little more anxious, and I was scared shitless. "Uh.. uh, you're gonna..."

"Just fucking tell me Donovan," I yelled at him harshly.

"The fatass. Cartman. He was hiding behind a bunch of trashcans. Apparently he got a good view, and could recall more details than even I can remember. The only reason it wasn't around school today was because he was too lazy to drag his ass out of bed.. but Stan.. Tomorrow the shit's gonna fly. You know he's not gonna keep his mouth shut."

"Fucking great! Just what I fucking need. Clyde this can't happen to me.. Why the fuck did you-"

"HEY," he looked completely pissed now. "I was NOT the one who started it. I was NOT the one who led me out to the garage, and I was NOT the one to give ME a fucking blowjob. You did that all your own you son of a bitch, and now I come over here to warn you of the inevitable, and you fucking blame me.. You've got some nerve Marsh. People already know I'm gay so I have no problem denying it. Have a nice day asshole."

"Clyde no please I didn't-" It was too late. He got into his blue jetta and peeled out of the school parking lot.

I was completely and totally screwed.


	2. For Every Action

I didn't know why.. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it, but there was something different about Clyde Donovan. I glanced over at him as he laughed, almost dropping his beer. I must've been staring for a little while because he came over to me with a huge grin on his face.

"Hey Marsh," he said, flashing his pearly whites.

Oh man he looked so goddamned hot. He was wearing a fit red tee shirt that showcased his beautiful athletic body. Red was apparently his favorite color... had been so since we were kids.

"Hi Clyde," I answered. What was that! I could feel myself drool a little. I quickly brought my hand up to my mouth and wiped away the dribble, hoping that the stud standing before me hadn't noticed. It was all good, he had downed his beer, and was ripping into another one.

"You want one Stan?"

"Sure." I thanked him as he tossed a can over to me.

"So uh Stan, I saw you looking at me over there."

OH SHIT.. he had noticed.

He must've seen me tense up because he tried to be suave, and let me say he was doing a good job.

"Hey, I don't care, just as long as I get to stare back into those gorgeous eyes of yours." I felt like I had heard that before.. but where? Oh yea, I'd said that line a bunch of times to Wendy.

I felt Clyde's eyes piercing me, I looked up to return his gaze.

"So you don't care huh?" I asked as I moved flirtatiously over to his seat.

He looked like a sex depraved man that had been released from prison after 40 years of celibacy. His eyes were moving up and down my body. It was obvious that he wanted something from me. He ran his hand through my jet black hair.

I looked around cautiously remembering that we were at a party at Token's. Clyde looked down at me and squeezed my hand. I remember that in that exact moment I wanted to take Clyde Donovan. I wanted to pleasure him immensely, to hear him moan in ecstacy.

I grabbed him by the hand and led him into the kitchen. There wasn't a soul in sight so I licked my lips seductively at Clyde before pushing him up against the refridgerator.

"I like this side of you Marsh," he chuckled. I guess nobody really thought of me as the dominant type. I didn't want Clyde leaving the party thinking that I wasn't so it was my goal to give him the best orgasm in his life.

I pushed my lips against his, his mouth was soft and gentle, our lips moved together nicely. I could feel his tongue push its way into my mouth. He was such a good kisser, I could hardly keep from moaning because I had never felt so turned on in my life.

My hands clawed wildly at his chest as he brushed his hands through my hair. I needed to do Clyde right now. But the kitchen? The kitchen was no good. Someone could walk in at anytime. I directed my glance over to the door that adjoined the kitchen with the garage, I took Clyde by his hand and practically bolted through the door. We made our way over to the other side of one of Token's many cars. Just in case anyone walked in, the car would at least be blocking us, or we could've dashed behind a bunch of trash cans that were adjacent to us.

"Are you ready for the best time of your life sir?" I ran my hands down Clyde's chest as i dropped to my knees. I brought my hands down to his waist, ready to undo his pants. I could feel his massive bulge. Damn He was big! I just wanted to get his pants off and go in for the kill. I looked up into his eyes as I slowly slid off his pants and boxers. My hands gently rose up Clyde's, legs touching the most prized posession of his body. My fingertips gently massaged his member as I introduced it into my mouth. It must've felt so good for him because the moan that escaped him was enough to get me off. I wrapped my mouth tightly around his shaft. He gently grabbed my hair and I looked up at him, seeing the intense look of pleasure in his eyes as they rolled back into his head. My hands locked around his thighs as I began to move my mouth faster. Clyde's breath was getting labored and he was starting to shake. Oh god how this made me happy. His hands left my face as he brought them to his head, running them though his hair as he was about to come.

"Stan," he panted "O-OOOHhhhhhh... I'm gonna..."

He released himself in my mouth. I licked up every last drop as if it were maple syrup running off a plate of pancakes, and oh how I loved my maple syrup.

He was still breathing hard. "Holy shit Stan. You are fucking amazing."

My goal was accomplished. I must have been grinning like an idiot.

After Clyde finished putting his pants back on he tilted my head up to his and gave me a little kiss. This was the best damn party I had ever been to.

As we started to walk out of the garage, I heard a crash among the trash cans. I shrugged it off as being one of Token's many cats and walked back into the party, feeling like the MAN. 


	3. Cartman is an Asshole

**Cartman is an Asshole**

I decided to pay Cartman a visit after school, and as a nice gesture, I brought him the homework that he missed. If I wanted him to keep his mouth shut then I would have to kiss his ass.. appease the bastard. I didn't like the idea of it one bit, but it was the only choice that I had.

As I approached the Cartman residence I felt like I was going to vomit. What exactly was I going to say to him? This would be so much easier if he weren't such an asshole.

I hesitated before knocking five times on the heavy wooden door. Ms. Cartman greeted me with her usual attitude.

"Well hello there Stanley. Are you here to see my poopykins?"

"Uh yea. Where is he?"

"He's upstairs. Would you like a tour of the house first?"

She honestly disgusted me. That was definately an offer of sexual proportions. "Uh no thanks.. Ms. Cartman."

"Oh Stanley don't be so stubborn, you handsome little man."

"Honestly Ms. Cartman-"

"Call me Liane."

Damn she really wanted some.. what a slut. "Ok Liane, I just stopped by to drop off Cartman's homework. I have to meet up with my _girlfriend_ after, so I can't stay." I put extra emphasis on the word, girlfriend. She still didn't seem to get it.

"It will be a nice-"

"AY MOM!" I looked over, glad to see Cartman for the first time in my life. He grabbed me by my hand and dragged me tohis room. "You are sick Stan. My mom's gotta be at lease 45!"

"Dude! She was practically throwing herself at me!"

"Well I guess I don't have to worry about it.. anything happening that is. I mean if it was Craig or someone else then I would have to kick them in the nuts."

I laughed to myself. He would never be able to do anything to Craig. Craig would beat the shit out of him. I looked at the poor excuse of a man. He was waiting for some kind of response from me. "And why don't you have to worry Cartman?"

"Because you're a fag."

"What the fuck Cartman!"

He seemed to get great pleasure out of seeing me suffer.

"I saw you and Clyde at Token's party." He smiled the most evil smile I had ever seen.

"I know. Clyde told me. You aren't going to say anything right?" He stood there grinning. I was in trouble. It was time to start kissing ass. "I uh.. uh I brought you home the work that you missed today. I thought you'd like-"

"You're such a fag. I never even do my homework anyways."

_Asshole_.

"Listen Cartman.." I tried to choose my words carefully. "I really can't afford to have my reputation... ruined."

"Fuck your reputation Stan. What's in it for me?"

"W-whatever you want." This really scared me.

"Well there _has_ been one thing that I've always wanted." He paused for a minute, waiting for my response.

"What?"

"I've always wanted to see you lose everything.. 'Golden Boy.' I have waited for you to fuck up for so long. You've always been so perfect. Everything has always gone your way. You have a hot girlfriend who you're not even sticking it to and the moment you were born you were destined to be the fucking prom king. You have the whole football team worshipping your existence, in addition to the rest of the student body. Oh Stan, when this gets out, you're gonna lose it all. I can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces."

I stood there, completely shocked."

"And you'll be very unhappy to know that I even got some pictures on my camera phone."

"CARTMAN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

"Now now Stan don't piss me off."

"FUCK YOU!"

"I wonder who I'll tell first. I think I should start off with the oh so straight object of your desire."

"Don't you dare tell Kyle, you fat fucking slob!"

Cartman started to laugh hysterically. "Well now that I know that the object of your desire is Kyle, he'll be the first to know."

"What the fuck Cartman? You fucking tricked me."

"I'm pretty good at that huh?"

"I'll beat your fucking face in and I mean it. Don't tell-"

"You touch me and Fosse sends the picture out all over the internet."

"Fosse's in on this to?"

"Oh Stan, you are sooo-"

I raised my fist and brought it hard into his face. It felt so good.

"You fucking faggot! I'm gonna-"

"You were gonna do it anyway asshole! The least I can do is kick your ass. I will continue to kick your ass."

"Go ahead. It'll all be worth it. Haha. Now get the fuck out of my house Stan!"

"I'm leaving asshole!" I ran out his door and into the kitchen, where I was stopped by the horny bitch.

"Oh Stanley, leaving so soon?"

"I AM NOT GOING TO FUCK YOU, GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

She looked like she was punched in the stomach. She'll get over it though, i'm sure she has someone to fuck tonight... it is her job after all. Too bad she didn't care more about the way she was raising Cartman.

Ok, so now that I know Cartman's gonna open his fat trap, I have to... shit.. I have to tell Kyle before he does.

_fuck you Cartman_


	4. Nobody Understands

**Nobody Understands**

I pounded my fists furiously on the Broflovski's door until it opened.

"Dude.." Kyle rubbed his eyes as if he had just woken up. "You woke me up."

"It's 4, you're not supposed to be sleeping," I said with a trace of irritation in my voice.

"I don't have a life Stan, so things are different for me," he joked. He noticed my cold expression and immediately became worried. "Stan come in.. tell me what's wrong."

I followed him into his house, past Ike who was watching TV and upstairs to his room. It had been awhile since I had been to Kyle's house since the start of senior year. As I thought about it, I realized that I hadn't been spending nearly as much time as I should with him as a result of all the sports and organizations I was involved with. I mentally slapped myself for that.

"Kyle!" Ike called for his brother just as we were about to shut his door. "Phone!"

"Damn dude.. my mother never lets up." He left for two minutes and returned in different spirits.

"So Stan.." His eyes looked nervously from me down to the floor. Why was he like that? He seemed so uncomfortable. "Sit down or something. You're making me nervous."

I looked at him and gave him a weak smile, doing as he instructed. The moment I sat on his bed he looked a bit more uncomfortable. He started to twiddle his thumbs, making him look like a complete idiot.

"Why'd you come here Stan?" He sat down in a chair across from me.

"To talk to you? Geez don't sound too thrilled." He bit his lip and started to twiddle his thumbs again. "Are you going to say anything?"

"Dude, just tell me why you came here."

"Kyle, I..-" My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I flipped it open to reveal that I had one new text message... from the fatass. My eyes widened in horror as I read: "hey fag. pics on the net. just called Kyle." I swallowed hard. That was why Kyle was acting so strange. He seemed so hateful too. I looked up into his eyes, they met mine and quickly shot down to the floor. "Listen, Kyle.. There's something I have to... I have to tell you something."

He looked at me, his eyes narrowing into slits. "Don't even bother you fucking fag whore! Cartman already told me. How can you just sit there and look at me? talk to me? I don't get you man. Dude just get the fuck out of here."

I felt tears forming in my eyes. Out of all my friends, I expected Kyle to be the most accepting. I thought he'd be behind me 100. I sat there for a minute, hoping that I had just imagined Kyle's outburst. My best friend swiveled his computer chair so that he was facing the computer. "Get out." The tears started to fall freely from my eyes. How could Kyle do that to me? Kyle is my best friend. I ran down his stairs and out of his house, not even caring that I was in the middle of the street. I came close to getting hit a few times. I didn't even attempt to dodge. I thought at least it wouldn't hurt as much as losing my best friend. How could he? How could he just turn his back on me because I'm gay? Even if he found out that I had a crush on him, he still didn't have the right to be such a.. such a prick!

"Fuck!" I punched the air with my fist, pretending Cartman was feeling it. I walked slowly over to the side of the road, coming up along the elementary school playground. I wrapped my fingers tightly around the fence, wishing I could just go back to those innocent times. I pictured Kyle, Kenny and I playing tetherball... "Why would he just.. p-push me away like that?" I wondered aloud. I couldn't help but explode into a fit of uncontrolable sobs, falling to the ground. "M-m-my b-best friend."

"Hey pal you ok?" I looked up through tear pooled eyes to see a blurry Clyde Donovan.

"How long have you been here?"

"I just got here. I was going for my jog and then to work out." He sat down beside me and placed a caring gentle hand on my shoulder.

"I don't want to keep you from your-"

"This is more important. I'm not leaving you in the state that you're in." I looked into his eyes, they were so caring, I was glad he ran into me. "What's wrong?" He asked with such a soothing tone.

"Cartman..." The tears started to fall from my face, but this time I wasn't sobbing. "H-he told Kyle. Kyle hates me now. He just practically kicked me out of his life."

Clyde looked at me with the most sympathetic expression. "Stan, I-i'm so sorry." He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. "Not everyone is as accepting as you might hope. I know what you're going through." I could tell he was looking for the right words. This seemed to be a difficult subject for him. "Stan, my dad left my mother and I when he found out I was gay. I thought my dad would be supportive and.. h-he just wasn't. People are close minded Stan." His hand came up to my face, gently brushing a tear away. I'd never seen this side of Clyde. I grabbed on tight to him as he pulled me into a hug. "Let's go back to my house Stan. I'll make you something to eat, or something. I wont take no for an answer."

I smiled slightly. "Alright." The last thing I needed was to be alone. He took me by my hand and led me to his house.

Cartman's POV

I called the fucking jew. Stan's life is ruined. I thought about it after he left.. a new plan. I maybe stretched the truth just a little to Kyle.. you know.. to make Stan a little more worse off. I might've told Kyle that Stan had sex with a few people.. men.. at Token's party.. Technically that's true.. He did have sex with a man. Then I might've told Kyle that Stan bragged about how he could get into Kyle's pants easily. Basically it played out the way I wanted it to... very very special. What makes it so special is the fact that I found out last year Kyle is about as straight as a circle. To top it all off, he's had a boner for Stan for the longest time. I blackmailed the bitch. He now does my lit papers.

"Hello?"

"Oh hey Kyle, it's Eric."

"What do you want Cartman?"

"Oh don't sound too thrilled to talk to me."

"I wont. I never am. Stan's over so I gotta go."

"Oh so then I guess everything is going according to his plan."

"His plan?"

"Yea. Stan's gay. He's there to tell you."

"Dude, then let me hang up the phone so he can."

"You don't understand.. He's-"

"Fatass, I don't care if he's gay or not, he's still my best friend."

"No Kyle, you really don't understand. You remember when he was all jumpy when you asked him about the party at Token's?"

"Yea."

"Well, he had sex with a few guys. I even got some pictures."

"Why the fuck are you telling me this Cartman, it's none of my business!"

"Because he's there and not just to tell you. At the party he bragged to everyone how he could probably easily get into your pants. He's there to come out to you and then come on to you."

"Why should I fucking believe you Cartman?"

"Maybe you shouldn't. Just ask him why he's there. You'll see I'm right. Have a good fuck jew."

"Fuck you Cartman!"


	5. Realizations

I felt myself sink further and further down into the comforts of the Donovan's green leather sofa. I laced my fingers behind my head and closed my eyes tightly. Clyde was in the kitchen making sandwiches for us and I could hear him clattering about. I pictured him making a big mess. I knew if I walked into the kitchen I would probably find one. I smiled at the thought of a Clyde Donovan that looked like he had just gotten in a fight with a sandwich and lost. I was surprised to see that the image in my head was identical to reality as Clyde stepped out of the kitchen. It looked like some sort of mustard bomb went off all over his shirt. He looked slightly irritated as a result of my chuckles. 

"I'm not a cook dude.. even if it_is_ a sandwich." His irritation turned into a look of cute embarrassment.

"Can you even make toast?"

He looked down to the floor. "Yea, but I usually burn it." He chuckled and placed the sandwich down in front of me. It didn't look like a sandwich. I looked up from the monstosity that lay on my plate.

"Please enlighten me. What is this delicious treat in front of me?"

He smirked slightly. "You know what it is."

I shook my head. "It doesn't look very edible." I gave him a playful nudge and took a bite. It was surprisingly good.

"Well I guess someone likes it then." He ruffled my hair and gave a hearty laugh.

I had never seen this side of Clyde. He was so caring, so playful, so... wonderful. Even though I had just been completely rejected by my best friend, I felt ok. If Clyde hadnt've come around I would probably still be wallowing in misery.

He watched me contentedly. I couldn't help but blush at the attention that he was giving me. "You know Clyde, I really appreciate this." I took my mustard covered hands and gently reached overto his now clean ones. I smiled evily as I dirtied them.

"Dude! Do you know how many showers I'm gonna have to take to get the stench of mustard off of me?"

I gave him a look of innocence. "Clyde Donovan showers?"

He knocked me down on the couch gently. "You're damn right he does." In that moment I wanted to kiss him. I wanted and needed to feel loved. I went to do so, but he stopped me. "Stan, as much as I would like to..." His voice trailed off and he leaned in to kiss me. I pushed in to deepen the kiss but he pulled away soon after. "Stan. I-I.. we can't. Remember what happened last time?" I looked at him and nodded my head. "You'd regret it. It's not me you want, and I can see it in your eyes. Hell, i'd be a fool to take advantage of you in such a vulnerable state."

I started to protest. "Clyde, I-"

"Stan it's not me that you want."

I looked over at him, my eyes starting to tear up. "But he.. he hates me.. I've never felt so shitty."

He took my face in his hands and gently brushed away fresh tears. I looked at his honey colored eyes, mesmerized. He gave a slight smile and leaned in, placing a kiss on my forehead. "I'm here for you Stan. The only kind of love I can give you though..." He pulled me in for a hug. "It wouldn't help to start anything like that. But I can be here to hold you and listen."

I looked up at Clyde through my watered eyes. "Thank you so much," I said as I threw my arms around his neck. He truly was a good person, and I understood that it was a good thing to not start up any kind of physical relationship. It wouldn't be healthy.

"Anytime Stan.. Anytime." He squeezed my hand gently and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes. "It's going to be alright."

If only I believed him.

* * *

Kyle's POV

Oh God, I couldn't believe what I said to him. I mean even if his intentions were sick and twisted, I still had no right to call him a fag. I hung my head in shame. Why did I have to be such a douchebag?

I walked into the bathroom and looked at my sorry reflection in the mirror. My eyes were becoming wet. I felt like such a jerk. How could I say something like that to someone I was so head over heels in love with? But it wasn't me who was wrong. He was the one who bragged about how he could get into my pants. Did he even care about me? He obviously had no respect for me.

I could care less how many men he fucked, I just wanted to be with him. It was impossible now though. I slammed my fists down on the counter with such force that I screamed out in pain. I deserved the pain.

"FUCK YOU STAN," I screamed. I kicked the bathroom cabinet. I hadn't been this pissed since.. I couldn't even remember. "FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID SELFISH, PERVERTED MOTIVES... BEST FRIENDS HUH?" I started to break down now, anger becoming misery. "B-best friends.. Why would you throw it away like that Stan? WHY?" I looked down at my knuckles. They were bleeding as a result of my rage against the counter. I knew it wasn't healthy, but it did feel good to experience some pain. I didn't harm myself any more though. I heard it could become addicting and I guess I would become even worse off.

I slunk down to the floor. I knew life was hard, but why did it have to be this hard? Oh God I loved him. I wanted to talk to him.. My heart told me to, but my mind told me to fuck it. Of course, I listened to my mind and continued sobbing and feeling miserable for myself, well into the evening.

When I woke up the next day, I felt like I was hungover. I was sick to my stomach, with a pounding headache. I knew that this was, of course, the aftermath of yesterday's breakdown. In addition to feeling sick, my eyes were swollen and bloodshot and my fist hurt like hell. 'All because of Stan,' I found myself thinking. I quickly regretted those thoughts, remembering that it was my choice to go crazy over this and let it affect me this much.

"Bubbe!" Oh great. I trudged down the stairs like a zombie. What the hell did she want?

"What?" I snapped at her as I came down the stairs. She flashed me a look of hurt. I felt like such a jerk. I didn't need to take this out on her. She didn't deserve that. "I-I'm sorry mom," I apologized. "I'm really cranky.. things.. things just haven't been a good time lately."

"Oh bubbe," she exclaimed, looking at me in concern. I could tell she was about to make a big deal about it, so I tried to make it seem less than it really was.

"I-it's just exams are coming up.. you know.. it gets really frustrating. "

She walked up to me and gave me a half smile, followed by a kiss. "It's understandable." Her eyes held so much sympathy. "You hungry bubbe?"

I shook my head and forced a smile. "No ma, I'm alright. I just gotta get ready for school."

"Are you gonna pick Stan up today?"

I started to choke on my breath. "Stan?" I hadn't even thought about the ride situation. I gave Stan a ride to school almost every day. He would just wait for me at his house and I would pick him up. We never agreed to it, it was just understood. "Shit," I muttered under my breath. I walked up the stairs to retrieve my cell phone. I would have to talk to him sooner or later. I preferred later, but I knew I couldn't have the latter. I dialed Stan's number. His mother picked up after two rings.

"Hello?"

"Oh hi Mrs. Marsh. I was wondering does Stan need a ride today?"

"Oh no he doesn't sweetie. Clyde came and got him this morning."

"Oh." Clyde.. Cartman told me about that. He even gave me a link in an e-mail to the website of pictures he'd taken. I had too much respect for Stan to visit it though, so I just deleted it.

"I thought for sure he would've called you."

"It's alright Mrs. Marsh," I lied. "He probably did, but I was sleeping. Can you hold on for a second?"

"Sure." I took a brief moment to create silence, before returning to the phone. Yes I checked my phone, he did leave a message. I'm sorry I bothered you."

"Not at all Kyle." I could picture her smiling a loving smile on the other end. "Well you have a good day sweetie," she said with complete sincerity.

"Thanks Mrs. Marsh, you too."

I hung up the phone. School was going to be hell.


	6. In Eachother's Arms

**In Eachother's Arms**

From the moment Clyde and I pulled into the student parking lot, I knew it was going to be a bad day. Half of the student population had seen the pictures fatass took, and the ones that didn't see it were huddling around the computers in the library to get a good look. I squeezed my eyes shut tight as I grabbed onto Clyde's hand. As long as I stayed with him I would feel better.

The hallways were filled with whispers and laughter and it made my skin burn. I felt like the latest attraction to a freak show, something never before seen. My eyes were watering because I was forgetting to blink. I was too involved in what was going on around me.. too paranoid to notice that i'd stopped all involuntary movements. Clyde gave me a concerned glance and pulled me into an empty classroom nearby. "I wonder which one of em's gonna take it," I heard a guy yell in the hallway. Clyde cracked his knuckles and left me alone for a minute. I could hear him out in the corridor.

"Get a fucking life!" Clyde shut the door on all the snickering people and walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Dude," he started, "people are assholes." I looked up to him and nodded. "This'll all die down, you just watch. Do you remember when I first came out?"

"Yea," I sniffed and wiped a tear away. "How were you so strong?" He ran his fingers through my hair, catching them on a knot, which he promptly tugged at. "Ow dude."

"Sorry... How was I so strong? I have no fucking idea. I just guess after my dad left, I wasn't going to take anymore bullshit. I knew some people wouldn't like it but they all learned to keep their dirty mouths shut. You can't let things like these bring you down. We need sucky things in life. If we didn't have terrible things happening, we wouldn't have anything to look forward to.. You know?"

I nodded my head and squeezed his hand gently. "You know, I really do appreciate this Clyde. I felt like such a.. such a..."

"Tool?"

"Hyeah. That morning when you tried to warn me about Cartman and I just snapped at you... I'm sorry. What i'm trying to say, is that it's not so embarrassing now that I have you beside me to go through this with me. I mean, you've already experienced this. I just.. j-just wanted to say thanks you. Thanks for everything." I smiled and looked up into his honey colored eyes.

"Stan, you don't need to thank me. I'm your friend, i'll stick by you no matter what."

I closed my eyes in attempt to stop the tears from coming out. "Why can't all friends be like that? K-kyle? God damnit!" I slammed my fist down on the wooden desk.

"Stan.. shhh," Clyde comforted. He pulled my head into his chest and cradled me for a few moments. "Things are only going to get better from here on out. You need to understand that. You need to take the good with the bad and vice versa."

"Yea, you're right. I just guess i'm a little impatient is all. I just want Kyle to understand. I-I..." I could feel the waterworks coming back.

"Stan, he will in time. Hey look, i've got to get to homeroom. Will you be alright?"

"Y-yea, i-i'll be fine."

He leaned in and gave me a small kiss on the forehead. "I'll be here to walk you to your first class, okay?"

"Thanks Clyde."

"Don't thank me, your smile is enough." He turned and walked out the door and I stayed in the classroom for morning attendance.

-

I walked the halls with my head hung low. Homeroom was going to be hell. I shared the morning attendance room with Clyde Donovan. I wondered if he knew Stan and I had argued. I wondered it Stan had told him on the car ride to school. I would soon find out. I walked passed the many rows of desks and took my seat in front of Clyde, giving him aweak smile before my bottom end met with the chair. It was really strange how there were no last names, alphabetically between us. It went from Broflovski straight to Donovan.. No other B's, C's, or Da's to Do's.

I felt a sharp poke in my back and turned around to face Clyde. He wouldn't look me in the eye. "Kyle," he began, "can I talk to you a minute before homeroom starts?"

"Uh, sure." We got up from our desks and walked out to the corridors, which were nearly bare at this time.

"You know, Stan's pretty upset."

"Yea, well so am I."

"If you don't like the fact that he's gay then you should keep it to yourself. You're his best friend, you should be supporting him. Do you know how much this is killing him?"

"Way- wait minute. I have the right to be upset."

"Why, because you found out he's gay and has feelings for you?"

"No, this has nothing to do with him being gay." I pulled him in for a quick whisper. "I'm not so straight myself." He pulled back surprised.

"Wha- what? Then why did you go off on him?"

"The party Clyde, why else?"

"Listen Kyle, we were drunk and it was meaningless."

"How many guys did he end up-"

"Kyle, I think you've got the wrong idea here. It was just me."

"Huh?"

"It was JUST me." I stood there speechless. "So he was on his way to your house yesterday to come out to you before that son of a bitch Cartman told you. He liked.. _likes_ you Kyle and you hurt him pretty bad." My heart started to pound uncontrollably in my chest. He likes me!

"But Cartman told me that Stan said-"

"You should learn by now to never EVER trust Cartman. You know, for someone so smart, you are really dumb. Stan's a nervous wreck, I don't even think he'll be able to make it through homeroom. People are being brutal."

"I'm going to beat that fat asshole till he's bloody!"

"I'll gladly help you.. You need to talk to Stan though. I'm sure he'll feel better knowing that this is just one big understanding."

"God, how could I have been so stupid?" I wondered aloud.

"Beats me," Clyde said as he patted me on the shoulder. He started to walk into the room for attendance. I turned my back and started to head for Stan's homeroom. "Hey where're you going?" Clyde questioned.

"I'm going to sweep my man off of his feet. Screw attendance."

"Wait a minute you-"

"I've liked him for quite some time now."

"Shit dude."

"Yea." I turned on my heel and headed in the direction of Stan's homeroom. When I came to the door, I opened it slowly so as not to make too much noise.

"Can I help you Mr. Broflovski?" The homeroom teacher implored.

"Uh.. Stan Marsh, I need to talk to him." I looked around the room and to his desk. He wasn't there.

"He didn't show up." I looked over to his desk. His things were there.

"But his stuff is here."

"I don't know where he is. If you see him though, tell him i've marked him as absent."

"Will do... bitch." I whispered the last part.

I started my trek through the empty hallways, searching for my distraught crush. The only place he could really be right now was the bathroom. I opened the door slowly and listened for any sign of movement. After a few silent seconds I heard a sniffle.

"Stan?" I called gently.

"What do you want Kyle?" His voice sounded weak and strained. I walked over to the stall he was in.

"Stan, I really need to talk to you. This was all just one big misunderstanding. Let me come in, please." Nothing. "Stan, open the door asshole." Nothing. I grunted in disgust as I got down on all fours and slid under the stall. I didn't even want to think about all the grossness I was getting all over my clothes. I could see Stan watching me as I pulled myself to my feet. His eyes were completely red and full of tears. "Stan-" I began.

"Kyle, you don't have to accept it. It would be wrong to force you to."

"Stan listen to me, I-"

"It wouldn't be fair of me to expect you to-"

"Stan, i'm gay." That was the first time I had said that out loud. 'Not exactly straight' was how I put it. Until now, only Cartman knew that.

"What? Then why-"

"Sshh." I brought a finger to his lips. "It was all a big misunderstanding. Truth is, i've liked you for the longest time Stan. You have no idea how long."

He stopped crying. "Really?"

"Yea Stan." I was afraid of what you might think.

"Kyle, i've liked you for so long too." He pulled me in close for a hug and I kissed the side of his head. My lips tingled. He moved his head so that his mouth met mine. Finally.. it was finally happening. No more writing papers for Cartman. I had Stan. I pulled away and gave him a kiss on the bridge of his nose.

"I love you Stan." It felt so nice to say the three words that had been dying to leave my lips for the longest time.

"I love you too Kyle." He started to cry now, but they weren't sad tears. "Oh God I love you so much." He pulled me in for a hug again. I was in heaven.

"Stan, i'm gonna kick Cartman's ass."

"Yea me too," he laughed.

"But right now, I wanna bask in the glory. I have you. My best friend."

"Oh Kyle..."

"People are going to be jackasses because of that picture, but I wont let them hurt you."

"Nothing could possibly hurt, I love you." His eyes were sincere and he truly looked happy for the first time since I entered the stall. "You wanna.."

"Bail?"

"Yea. You look like you could use a day off."

"Hyeah, I didn't sleep last night. I couldn't sleep last night."

"Me neither." I pulled him to his feet and we exited the stall.

"Where are we going?"

"To sleep," I said with a smile. And we did just that. We slept forfive hours, in eachother's arms. We _**would**_ kick Cartman's ass later.

I think this is **the end**... yea.. it is.

sorry of this disappoints anyone


End file.
